When the depth of caring I have for those dear to me is as unconditional as possible I will not make unreasonable demands on them nor be disappointed if they act in ways that do not meet my expectations. When my father as a result of illness went from a jovial raconteur to a meek, silent man huddled in a chair, my failed expectations had to be faced. Later I had to come to terms with my mother’s diminishment due to age. Yet this is all part of my life lessons in love.

Love comes from the heart. Expectations come from the mind and therefore can be more obvious or accessible. Working with my expectations of those I love, whether friends or family has been a lifelong lesson. Whether I expect them to or not, with time, people change. The same is true for me. As I learn and grow I must work with my expectations of myself. I believe I still have plenty of time ahead to make mistakes, yet if I love myself as unconditionally as possible they will be less likely to upset me.

I need not love myself any the less for not being perfect or for not measuring up to my desired standards. Unconditional loving makes life much more pleasant for others and for me. Expectations are a limiting factor. I try to be aware of mine, however I am far from perfect and still growing. As a wise person once said: “God isn’t finished with me yet.” However God’s love is said to be unconditional and that is a blessing.

As I learn and grow I try to become ever more accepting of the needs of others to be just who they are without having to meet any expectations of mine. I try to keep in mind that not everyone thinks or feels as I do. When I am able to love unconditionally I can agree to disagree with those I love and care for. After all, if God can love me unconditionally, perhaps I can at least make the effort to do the same for those I love and care about, including myself. 

May you find ways to love without conditions and with a joyful heart.

Blessings and Best Regards, Tasha Halpert

: Expectations and Unconditional Love

Heartwings says, “The mixture of love and expectations presents challenges.”

When the depth of caring I have for those dear to me is as unconditional as possible I will not make unreasonable demands on them nor be disappointed if they act in ways that do not meet my expectations. When my father as a result of illness went from a jovial raconteur to a meek, silent man huddled in a chair, my failed expectations had to be faced. Later I had to come to terms with my mother’s diminishment due to age. Yet this is all part of my life lessons in love.

Love comes from the heart. Expectations come from the mind and therefore can be more obvious or accessible. Working with my expectations of those I love, whether friends or family has been a lifelong lesson. Whether I expect them to or not, with time, people change. The same is true for me. As I learn and grow I must work with my expectations of myself. I believe I still have plenty of time ahead to make mistakes, yet if I love myself as unconditionally as possible they will be less likely to upset me.

I need not love myself any the less for not being perfect or for not measuring up to my desired standards. Unconditional loving makes life much more pleasant for others and for me. Expectations are a limiting factor. I try to be aware of mine, however I am far from perfect and still growing. As a wise person once said: “God isn’t finished with me yet.” However God’s love is said to be unconditional and that is a blessing.

As I learn and grow I try to become ever more accepting of the needs of others to be just who they are without having to meet any expectations of mine. I try to keep in mind that not everyone thinks or feels as I do. When I am able to love unconditionally I can agree to disagree with those I love and care for. After all, if God can love me unconditionally, perhaps I can at least make the effort to do the same for those I love and care about, including myself. 

May you find ways to love without conditions and with a joyful heart.

Every season has its beauty
summer, winter spring and fall
Do not ask me for my favorite
I will say I love them all.

Etched against the sky in winter
trees inscribe their signature;
summer simmers with bright beauty
spring and fall have their allure.

Every season has its beauty
bringing joy and sweet delight
I could never choose among them
All are lovely in my sight.

All creation harmonizes
as the seasons come and go
every snowflake has its moment,
sparkling brightly in the snow.

Every season has its beauty
beauty there for all to see.
As I contemplate its splendor
so it sings its song to me.

Tasha Halpert

Our own faults are often what we find to criticize in others

I glared at Stephen’s messy desk and thought how much I wished he’d tidy it up. Then I thought about the package that he said he wanted to put together and mail, and  I grumbled to myself about the evils of procrastination and the blessings of attending to what needed attending to. As I listened to myself I began to smile. So what was I not doing that needed attention–what messes and piles, what neglected tasks? 

In the biblical Sermon on the Mount, Jesus has quite a bit to say about correct behavior. What is being spoken of there are truths of a psychological nature as well as suggestions about how to act. One of the statements concerns what in the King James version is termed “motes and beams.” The reference is to casting out the mote in one’s neighbor’s eye when one has a beam in one’s own. As most know, a mote is a tiny speck, a beam is more like a log.

The beam in my own eye is the issue that needs attending to, not the mote in the eye of my neighbor. What bothers us most about others is all too often something that annoys us about ourselves. Yet because I am reluctant to acknowledge that I am less than perfect, all too often I ignore my undesirable traits or practices so that I don’t have to deal with them. And because I do not wish to look at them in myself, I see them all too clearly in others. It’s as though some part of me wants me to see what I wish to ignore.

I do have a task I keep neglecting. For some time I have been working on a sequel to my book, Heartwings: Love Notes for a Joyous Life. It’s called, Heartwings Lemonade Stand: How to Juice Life’s Lemons. I’ve had it almost finished for a while. Yet without a deadline I have not been able to make myself complete it. Here was the beam in my own eye. Right then I set to work and spent a couple of hours finishing one section and renewed my commitment to completing my manuscript. Now whenever I am tempted to criticize Stephen for procrastinating, I know exactly what I need to do: get to work myself.

May you learn to recognize the mirror of your faults and use the reminder well. 

 Spring is a leap of faith

Standing on winter’s doorstep.

Branches and birds leap into the wind,

Followed by roots of bulbs

Leaping by inches into the cold thawing.

Every spring leaps faithfully forth

Singing its song of growth and life,

Calling out to all to follow, follow

Into the wind to follow

Leaping behind the leaders.

Faith is a blind opening to chance

With inner sureness of success, with belief

That lengthening days will gradually warm,

With assurance that growth will urge onward

And all life burgeon with spring fervor.

A wise teacher once quoted me an ancient Hebrew saying that I never forgot: “The Lord God Blessed Be He has given Mankind many good gifts in his cradles, and some of them come in rough wrappings.” The rough wrappings often keep us from appreciating the gift within. It is much easier to focus on the difficult wrappings than it is to work at untying the knots that secure it to the gift.

Like many if not most I have had my share of stress. I can also say that I have grown stronger and more resourceful as a result of the strenuous gifts within it, chiefly because I chose to unwrap them. This is not because I am stronger or wiser than those who leave the wrappings be, but because I am always curious as to what any experience may have to teach me.

It is easy to be grateful for happy circumstances, for kind friends, for those I love who love me back. It is much more difficult to be grateful for those experiences and individuals that have brought me pain, sorrow or problems. Yet when I can muster up the strength to be grateful even for whatever in my life has caused me discomfort and trouble, often I can tune into the gift that comes hidden within.

It is truly said that if all of us were to hang our troubles on a tree we’d look them all over and then take back our own. It may be that each of us learns best from our own unique experiences and that the lessons of others would be lost on us. I know that I have grown stronger as a result of this year. I also know that my growth has come more easily because regardless what happens I make an effort to maintain my attitude of gratitude.

A garden is a labor of love

Of that I have no doubt.

The insects munch, the rabbits lunch,

The bees spread pollen about.

I labor here to make it mine

Weeding and digging my way.

I plant some seeds, so do the weeds,

And the garden grows each day.

God’s love is here, in every seed,

In every blossom gay,

Whatever I do, the garden is true

To God’s plan for it each day.

I do what I can, and God does too,

I might as well admire–

Flower or weed, whatever’s the need,

God’s love will there transpire.

My place in the garden is small indeed

Perhaps this is truly best,

For I’ve come to see I’m like a tree

Growing myself with the rest.

I cannot be unless I AM

that which I was, I will be.

That which I am, is all,

and all is that which will be.

That which I am

was and will be.

That which I am is not.

There is no beginning

And no ending

Only becoming.

“I can’t believe how early it gets dark,” my friend said as we drove home from a shopping expedition. I agreed. “I don’t mind the cold as much as the short days,” I said with a sigh. “I don’t seem to get certain things done when it’s not daylight.” She agreed and we went on to speak of other things. Later I thought about our conversation. It seems to me that there are tasks, like cleaning and tidying that go much better in the daylight.

I find these and other kinds of chores more difficult or less appealing to me once the sun has gone down. In addition, when it gets dark early I feel like going to bed earlier. As the daylight diminishes, my body begins to slow down, even cool off. I get cold at night, a soak in a warm bath is inviting. My appetite is bigger, yet I’d rather eat a hearty lunch and a light supper. Certain patterns reemerge each November.

Nor as it as easy to get up while it is still dark. My bed is infinitely more inviting at this time of year. It is almost as though I could hibernate. I find myself wanting to wrap up and snooze the hours away. Fall is an invigorating time, good for beginning projects, getting out and about, and trying new things. Winter is a time for contemplation and inner work, finishing up what I’ve begun and continuing with what I have learned. The seasonal rhythms are an important part of how our bodies adjust to the seasons.

When I can, at whatever time of year I am living through, I follow my natural inclinations. I can’t always, and certainly in our Western society, not everyone can do this at all; the demands of jobs, life and family often prevent it. Yet when we are able to do this, we benefit from the peace that can come from our attunement to the seasons–slowing down and resting with the trees, the plants and the creatures, as the dark hours surround and nurture us all.