Doing Without by Tasha Halpert

Posted on June 7, 2015 by pujakins

Good Earthkeeping

by Tasha Halpert

Doing Without

There is an old saying that you don’t realize how much you miss something until it is gone. What I am missing right now isn’t actually gone, it’s just that I can’t have it at this time. If it hurts to chew anything that presents a hard surface it makes no sense to ingest it. No matter how lovely the experience of eating certain things normally might be, right now I have to avoid them. This is bringing me to an interesting realization.

This past week I had extensive dental surgery and as a result I cannot eat much of the food I am used to eating. Most especially I cannot enjoy the snacks I normally indulge in. While I don’t consider myself ungrateful for what I have, I am realizing that I have been taking for granted the nuts. seeds and crunchy vegetables I routinely eat almost every day. It always makes me stop and think when I realize that I am not acting the way I believe I am.

Because gratitude even for small things is a constant theme in my life I didn’t realize I was taking my snacks for granted until I had to do without them. Between meals when I am occasionally feeling like having a nibble I am used to reaching for a jar, taking a few nuts or seeds out, and enjoying them. I can’t do that now without suffering for it. This makes me realize that I took these for granted, not taking the time to notice or express my enjoyment in gratitude.

Normally I conscientiously acknowledge my gratitude for the lovely warm shower I can so easily take morning, evening or even both. I have a friend who lived for several years on an island where hot water showers were non existent, and I often think of this when I turn on the hot water for mine. When I get into my cozy bed at night I almost always remember to be grateful for its softness and for the comfortable pillows with their clean pillow cases.

So many in this world are homeless with no simple amenities like a comfortable bed and a shower. I am truly grateful for my home and for my life. I make an effort to be aware of these and to express my gratitude frequently. I do normally say a prayer of thanks when I sit down to eat. However, in the past when I reached for a favorite snack I seldom thought to be grateful for it. I believe that once I am able to indulge in chewy and crunchy snacks, I will certainly be reminded by this experience to express my thanks.

Besides avoiding their calories I have benefited in this other way from doing without some of my favorite munchies. It’s strange, too, because I did not anticipate this aspect of my experience. There’s plenty of tasty food I can eat, and I am not deprived of anything important in the way of nourishment. I can even indulge in the ice cream of which I usually allow myself only small servings. So I really have nothing to complain about. It’s silly of me to feel I am doing without, yet human nature is such that we too often want what we can’t have even though we can have something just as satisfying.

Smelling the Lilies

Posted on March 8, 2015 by pujakins

Of all the flowers with delightful scents, there are three that are favorites of mine: Lilies, Roses, and Hyacinths. So it was that when I was shopping in Trader Joe’s last week and saw the Star Gazer Lilies for sale I could not resist buying a small bunch and bringing them home. As I had hoped they would they have filled our small apartment with their wonderful scent.

As I sit here writing my column I am breathing it in. As I do, these colorful lilies with their glorious perfume remind me over and over again how important it is to give to myself as well as to others. It has taken me more than a few years to recognize the importance of doing that. My dear mother called such thinking selfish. She was raised in a home where children came last, after guests, parents and other adults. To think of oneself first, if at all, was not encouraged.

There was no intentional cruelty involved in this attitude. It sprang from a different way of seeing the world and of acting on that viewpoint. There is a strong behavioral edict that sprang from traditional thinking that it is better to give than to receive. While it is good to give, there are psychological reasons that were not taken into account by this edict that need to be addressed. In addition there is the question of balance versus imbalance to be considered.

I was raised in much the same way. I remember once being surprised when a friend said that we must be home by four o’clock for her children’s TV program. That the wishes of children were something to consider was a new thought for me. As a young mother it never occurred to me that children’s choices were anything to be considered.

In the years since then I have done a lot of learning. A most important lesson of my lifetime has been that if I do not give to myself I will not have much to give others. My cup must have something in it before I can give from it freely. My giving must be in balance with my receiving. What I have discovered, sometimes the hard way is that if I give only to others and not to myself I develop unconscious resentment that can lead me to act unkindly, or be overly critical without meaning to. This can creep up on me and I need to make sure I notice it when it happens.

From the time I was small being kind has always been very important to me. Thus it has become vital that from time to time I assess my behavior to make sure I have been giving to myself enough to balance my graciousness to others. It is not always easy to remember to give to oneself. It often initially feels so good to give to others that it is easy to forget to include oneself. As I inhale the perfume of the wonderful lilies I am reminded again of how grateful I am for this gift I gave to myself, and of how glad I am that I bought them.

Text and Photo by Tasha Halpert

The Importance of Mental Focus

Posted on March 2, 2015 by pujakins

When I began to meditate I noticed that I was much more aware of the contents of my mind. The longer I practiced meditation, the better I became at following my thoughts. This ability has grown for me over the years, and I am very grateful to be able to be aware most of the time of what I am thinking. The reason this is so important is that it enables me to monitor my mental focus.

The importance of mental focus cannot be overstated. Certain habit patterns are built into the human psyche. They are intrinsic, an inborn aspect of our consciousness. They are intended to function as a kind of safety mechanism for keeping us alive. One of these is the “fight or flight” response. As you may know, the human body is programmed to react to any perceived threat with the appropriate input for what it believes is required.

I have read statistics to the effect that much of our modern high blood pressure as well as other stressful conditions of the physical body have come about as a result of this built in response to perceived danger. This particular response was useful in the days when death in the form of an enemy or feral beast lurked behind any bush or tree. It was important when the crocodiles in the river were patrolling for breakfast. It was helpful when the early settlers of any new homeland encountered its dangers.

Now for the most part it is not only unnecessary to modern life but actually harmful. Yet in times of perceived stress our bodies continue that response. The perceived stress could be a need to get somewhere on time or to dodge someone’s criticism as a result of inadequate preparation. It is seldom a response to a true threat of death or physical harm.

One of the main ingredients of this response is that our minds have a built in tendency to notice what is wrong. This can be very helpful if, for instance, you wake up in the night and hear sounds you know are not normal, or you suddenly notice that your child is very quiet and might therefore be up to some mischief. However, as a general rule, consistently noticing what is wrong can lead to a focus upon it that prevents us from seeing what is right and good.

When I practice actively looking for all for which I am grateful, I am much less apt to be focused on what may be wrong. If there is real danger or a need to notice that something is amiss, I know I can and will. However for the most part when I focus on that for which I am grateful, I am much less focused on the negative thinking that can lead to any number of difficulties. The key to success is being mindful of the direction of my thoughts. That way I can reinforce my positive focus or change the direction of my thoughts if I need to.

Photo and Text by Tasha Halpert

Posted on February 22, 2015 by pujakins

Cooking With Love and Parsnips, by Tasha Halpert

I believe that when you cook with love because you love to cook, the food tastes better. From the time I was small I have enjoyed and appreciated all things to do with cooking. One of my favorite occupations as a child was to arrange the items in the pantry off our kitchen. The wide shelving held all sorts of pots, pans, bowls, and other cooking supplies. In my mind I can still smell the wooden shelves covered with shiny oilcloth. Was it held on with thumbtacks? My memory stops there.

My mother considered food to be for nourishment, not pleasure. She used her food money carefully, and she did not like to spend extra money on the ingredients for desserts, which was all she permitted me to cook. She never ever baked anything, nor did she use much in the way of herbs or spices. My dad never cooked, nor did anyone else in my family. Why I so love to cook is a mystery to me.

Another reason my mother didn’t let me cook was that she considered me careless and irresponsible–perhaps I was, though most children without experience might be considered so. Occasionally I was permitted to make brownies and later, salads. As a young bride I had to teach myself to cook from a cookbook. Today although I have a fine collection of them, I seldom refer to my general cookbooks except for inspiration, unless I am baking. Successful baking generally requires exact measurements.

I also have many small cookbooks in my collection. These include recipes collected for church fund raising, pamphlets featuring commercial ingredients, and others that friends have given me. Most have one or two recipes I refer to on a regular basis that can be found nowhere else. While many of the small collections are for baked goods and casseroles there is one in particular that I have found to be very useful: Marjorie Standish Chowders Soups and Stews.

The recipe in it I have used most is for Parsnip Stew. Being a lover of parsnips for their sweet, meaty taste, I was delighted to come across this recipe. Easy to make and universally popular, I thought my readers would enjoy it. Although the original calls for salt pork, I make it with butter and a touch of olive oil. Ingredients: 2 tablespoons butter, 1 tablespoon olive oil, 1 small onion diced, 2 cups peeled, diced potatoes, 2 cups water, salt and pepper to taste, 3 cups cubed parsnips, 1 quart milk–any kind will do; Being somewhat lactose intolerant I use oat milk.

Method: Melt butter and add onion, stir and cook until transparent. Add potatoes and water, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil then simmer for 10 minutes. Add parsnips, bring back to a boil, simmer 10 more minutes. Test for doneness and add milk. Heat to serving temperature or pour into a container and store until ready to reheat. Serve with several tablespoons or more of minced parsley.

Love Begins With Me

Posted on February 16, 2015 by pujakins

Love Begins With Me

While little children learn to love by observing the behavior of those around them, they also, as any parent of a toddler knows come with a built in ability to love. The human heart has an inborn tendency to emotional cherishing. From what I have seen both on television and in the movies, this is true of other mammals as well. Perhaps it is chemistry, or maybe it is a gift from the Creator, however it is certainly evident, especially in small children.

Furthermore, the emotional heart that dwells within us is infinitely expandable. However, in order to keep expanding it needs to stay elastic. This elasticity requires a certain amount of maintenance. When individuals harden their hearts–even if they do it because they feel they must in order to survive, they reduce the heart’s elasticity, and possibly begin a process that will eventually result in the heart’s inability to expand at all. The way the heart becomes hard is through the resistance to and denial of pain.

That is not say it is easy to admit pain into the heart. There is so much of it around. The media confronts us with pain at every turn. Each day when I open my computer I am confronted with samples of disaster or tragedy, sometimes many of them. In our personal lives there is much opportunity for pain of all sorts even in the best of lives. Major trauma can strike at any time, and on any given day there are many small deaths or sadnesses to be dealt with.

When I am willing to allow my emotional pain into my heart, I also take an important step toward compassion for myself and for others as well. Compassion is a natural response to pain. Even very small children will try to comfort you if you are sad or hurt. It seems to be a built in reaction. There are animals that will do the same. I remember a day long ago when I was feeling sad and began to cry. At the time we had three cats and all three came over and tried to climb into my lap.

It can be difficult for me to open my heart to emotional pain. I was brought up not to cry, to be tough and to ignore hurt. Yet that meant ignoring rather than acknowledging it. I had to learn to open my heart enough to take in the pain in order for compassion to find its way in as well. I had to be taught to love myself enough to admit that I felt pain, and that I needed to address that pain. In this I had the help of a fine therapist. I will always be grateful to her.

By loving myself enough to be honest with myself and others, I keep my heart flexible and elastic. By comforting myself with that love, I acknowledge what I feel, and then I can do what is necessary to address that pain. Being emotionally honest is being loving to myself. When I am loving to myself in this way I expand my heart. This makes it possible for me to love others even more. The more I love myself, the more I am able to love others, and that makes me happy in my heart.

Photo by Marcia Ruth Text by Tasha Halpert

Conveying Love

Posted on February 12, 2015 by pujakins

The stores are filled with red and white decorations, candy and gifts labeled for Valentines’ Day. The newspapers overflow with ads for various ways to express one’s fond affection on this day dedicated to lovers and those who love–whether romantically or otherwise. There are cards galore for any and everyone on your “fond of” list, and the internet also has plenty of humorous to mushy cards to be sent out to anyone with the ability to receive them.

Once it was difficult to convey one’s love on Valentine’s or any day except in person. Several centuries ago, when a loved one set out on a journey, most especially across an ocean, months, possibly years might elapse before they would be reunited. Letters took weeks, even months, if at all to arrive. The postal service was not organized until the 1840s when stamps were first issued.

We take the telephone call for granted. However, universal telephone service only began in the 1880s, and coast to coast long distance was not available until 1915. Not until 1927 could telephone calls be made overseas, though telegraph service was available. Twenty five years ago my daughter living in Africa and I found it necessary correspond for the most part by mail. Phone calls were expensive and unless she was home, pointless as a result of language barriers with those working for her.

Children born in the last decade have absolutely no concept of a time when communication was not instantaneous. Once the Dick Tracy two way wrist radio was a cartoon fantasy. Now there is a wrist radio that acts with your cell phone for two way communication. Until fairly recently, face to face communication on the computer, known as Skype did not exist.

The ubiquitous cell phone, first available 1983, was still fairly rare even in the early nineties. I know I didn’t have one back then, and people who did were considered quite trendy. Camera phones came into use in the last decade. Does it seem that short a time ago? It seems no time at all to me. Once something is present in our lives it is not easy to remember when we didn’t have it.

While Valentines’ day was celebrated in Europe from the 14th century on in a variety of ways, the actual Valentine card began in England at the very end of the 18th century. If you wanted to convey your affection with a card, according to Wikepedia, the first Valentines were generally available in Europe just prior to 1800, and in the USA in 1847.

Today Internet cards are often sent instead of paper ones. However, it really doesn’t matter how our love is conveyed or what method is used to share it. To paraphrase the words of a dear friend of mine, “Miles may separate us, but in our hearts we are no further away than a thought.” There is no postage or fee of any kind for this Valentine expression.

Words and Photo by Tasha Halpert

In An Orderly Fashion

Posted on January 30, 2015 by pujakins

In An Orderly Fashion

Remember fire drills? There are even some of my readers who might remember such a thing as a bomb drill. When the bell clanged we were always told to “proceed in an orderly fashion.” I suppose that meant lining up and staying in line so the teachers or whoever was shepherding us could keep track. In an orderly manner usually meant no talking, and certainly no fooling around.

I think about this phrase sometimes when I am dithering about my apartment working to get things done. Being a writer I spend most of my time at home and can make my own schedule. This has its positive and its negative points, because I do not have the same parameters necessitating order as someone working outside the home, however I do need to make my own order.

There is priority, there is the immediate demand, and then there is what I hope to get done. Each day presents its challenges. I can only do my best. For instance, take the insistent telephone. say I am about to begin a task when it rings. Stephen would tell me to ignore it, and my experience is that if I do it will only create another difficulty I haven’t anticipated. I answer the phone, conduct whatever necessary conversation and go back to what I was doing. Meanwhile, I may have lost the thread of the process and need to begin again.

It may be that I am called away while I am cooking. I ought to know better than to leave the stove unattended. However having had years of training as a mother to answer the immediate need of the moment, I have a tendency to rush over to do what seems to need doing. In the meantime, something boils over on the stove and that necessitates a huge cleanup.

When I plan ahead it seems to help. When I set out on a series of errands it works better if I think about the best arrangement for doing them. This works fine unless I forget my grocery list and either have to go back for it or try to remember what was on it. Stephen suggested I put the list in my purse and keep it there. I explained why I don’t: when I wish to add to it, I have to find it and write down the new item– if I don’t forget what it was in the meantime. It’s far easier to keep it on the counter.

I am all too easily distracted from my orderly progress. Sometimes this is simply my own fault. In the midst of doing what I intend to do I remember what I meant to do and didn’t, go do that, and meanwhile think of something else that needs doing. When I finally return to my original task it may have become more difficult or more complicated. The other day I realized that there is no such thing as an orderly fashion in my life, there is only keeping track as best I can and being content with that.

Text and Photo by Tasha Halpert

The Blessings of Simple Pleasures

Posted on January 11, 2015 by pujakins

The Blessing of Simple Pleasures,

by Tasha Halpert

I was fortunate in that I learned fairly early in life to practice my attitude of gratitude. There were two experiences in my life that prompted me to do this. One came in the form of a telephone call from a friend and teacher telling me to be grateful and to say this prayer of gratitude daily: Beloved Lord I do greatly thank Thee for the abundance that is mine.” When I protested she said sternly, “You have much to be grateful for–a roof over your head, food to eat, people who love you, now do as I say and repeat that prayer at least three times daily.” Because I respected her, I did as she suggested.

That was the beginning. Then I encountered mysterious woman at a spiritual gathering who told me a little about myself and then said, “Never take anything for granted.” Her words gave me pause and have resonated in my life ever since. At the time I did not know that my entire life would change radically within weeks. And while it changed for the better, almost everything in my life as I knew it then disappeared to be replaced by new and different circumstances. Nothing could have prepared me for that, however I was blessed to move through it to a new life for which ever since I have been grateful.

That was a great many years ago; and much time has passed with many experiences lived through. As I have moved through them I have grown in the expression of my gratitude. Nowadays when I turn on the shower on a cold winter evening and climb into its warmth, I give thanks. Although they may not live close to me, there are many who do not have the luxury of hot water from a faucet. When I cuddle my clean cotton sheets and the warm covers on my bed around me, I think of, and send a prayer for those who are homeless and have little to comfort them in the cold.

An attitude of gratitude as we are often reminded by teachers from Oprah to Eckert Tolle is one of the pillars for the foundation of a happy life. My own personal experience has proved this to be true. I have also learned to realize how important it is to be grateful for that which at first seems less than fortuitous. However in general I prefer to focus on those things that bring me joy rather than those that do not, even while being grateful for those as well.

Small and simple pleasures–a phone call from one’s child or grandchild, the wagging tail of a treasured animal companion, the smile of a neighbor encountered unexpectedly in the supermarket, or the friendly help of a stranger in locating a hard to find item–these lovely, serendipitous experiences provide a splendid symphony of joy. As I live my life, it plays in the background as an accompaniment to my everyday doings. Listening to it I am reminded again and again to be grateful.

Here Is My Feast Of Crystal Splendor

Posted on January 11, 2015 by pujakins

Now the landscape is still.

Grasses are stiff, rimed with frost.

Bare trees sleep,

dreaming of warmth as yet distant.

But a new beauty imbues their branches

their essential selves emerge

in a pattern of graceful tracery

against the winter sky.

I am become ice,

caressing the garden with my cold kisses,

taming wavelets to stillness.

Here is my feast of crystal splendor

displayed in masses of diamonds

that sparkle everywhere to see.

How beautiful I am,and how pristine.

relish my beauty, but do not touch me

lest you suffer from the frost.

I magnify the light,

extending its power to dazzle the eye.

Soft snow shrouds me in a white fur cloak,

muffling sound, softening hard edges.

But I crack branches,

scour stones, and buffet cliffs.

Locked out of life I pry at openings to get in.

I am envious of warmth,

nd will not melt before my time,

nor give way when the light begins to lengthen.

Some call me cruel, others kind,

knowing that all life needs to sleep,

that old forms crumble to make way for new.

But light persists. At last I soften in the warmth,

beguiled, I loosen my clasp until

irresistibly compelled I yield myself at last

to Spring’s embrace and fall asleep

to drowse the warm away

knowing one day I will return.

Photo and Poem by Tasha Halpert

The Habit of Being Happy by Tasha Halpert

Posted on December 8, 2014 by pujakins

Each day I open and enjoy a quote sent to me by Gratefulness.org, an Internet site dedicated to the expression of gratitude. Their specialty is the relaying of positive and uplifting news and views. A recent quote I enjoyed from Robert Louis Stevenson struck me as being an appropriate subject for a Heartwings Love Note. “The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from domination of outside conditions.”

I know that this sounds odd, yet it has proven to me to be a truth to live by. I used to think if had thus and so or such and such it would make me happy. And it is true that making a change in circumstances can sometimes make a difference to anyone’s happiness, yet in the main it is the acknowledgement of those things in my life that I cherish and that gladden my heart that form the core of my own inner happiness.

All too often, and most especially at this time of year, the bringing of happiness becomes a selling point for practically every kind of gift or even donation to a cause. These appeals completely ignore the fact that happiness is not something that can be given or bestowed by any act on the part of someone else. Happiness can only come from within. It may come briefly as the response to the gift or act, yet that feeling soon fades if it is not habitual.

On the other hand, if I have the habit of happiness, my response to conditions that could create unhappiness will not be one of dismay but rather one of patience, tolerance, or even when I am able to see the situation in the right light, gratitude. R.L.S. as he was often known, had a great many challenges in his lifetime, one severe one being the health problems that plagued him for most of his life. Yet he persevered and wrote remarkable stories and wonderful poems that have endured in popularity through many generations.

As a child I enjoyed his poems and to this day can still quote a few. As I grew older I became enthralled by his wonderful stories of heroes and villains, Treasure Island and all the rest peopled by characters that caught my imagination and made me want to be part of their world. His adult short stores are also most entertaining. He is still one of my favorite authors. Yet I did not know much about his personal life until later on, and when I read about it I admired him even more.

A current hit song, heard everywhere these days is called “Happiness.” A catchy, bouncy tune, it exemplifies to me the light hearted feeling that the habit of happiness sings in my heart. As I work to stay with my attitude of gratitude for my life and all is holds I can feel this happiness glowing within me. It is an all season inner sense of rejoicing that helps me feel good no mater the weather or the circumstances. Practice makes perfect, and I find that this practice of inner happiness is most enjoyable.