Self Care Matters

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Heartwings Love Notes 2020 Self Care Matters

Heartwings says, “Caring for yourself is as important as caring for others.”

When I was very young, because I was taught by my needs to eat and sleep, I learned a way to care for myself. Then I learned to care for a pet, and even my stuffed toys and dolls by putting them to bed or picking them up. My caring became increasingly focused outward. There were relatives, friends, people who worked for me, and others to whom I, as their relationships to me evolved in my life, brought various degrees of caring. In a lesser way I also learned to care for a home and a garden.

I moved from single to married and became a parent. Eventually I had five children to care for and spent my time caring for them and for their father. The period of being a parent has no real end, but it changes as time goes on and the children became independent. I continued to care for friends and relations, and my satisfaction with my life and what I did grew to become a chief source of my pleasure and happiness. It feels good to do for others, and like many if not most I was taught to do this from the time I was young.

What I have recently realized is that in all the situations I have mentioned, my caring was directed to someone or even something outside myself. I was taught to put others first, take the smallest piece of cake, show others I cared about them by caring for them. However, as a result of my current physical condition, I have had to devote more and more time to caring for myself. I even frequently have to ask for help from others—usually my kind husband, for help with things I can no longer do myself.

I’ve also learned I need to be much more patient with my inabilities. When I was growing up, I was taught to be strong, not to complain, and to be almost fiercely independent. None of these attitudes serves me now. Quite the contrary. If I don’t ask, or even complain, no one will know what I need. When I need help, I must speak up. This means admitting to an inadequacy, something I never used to like doing, and still at times find it difficult to do.

I have learned one way to care for myself is to ask for help when I need it. Another is to do my exercises each morning, try to get out for a walk, eat nutritiously and avoid sugar and rich food. Getting enough sleep is important too. I am learning to be patient with what I cannot accomplish, put up with piles as yet unattended—mine and Stephen’s, and allow more time to get things done. All this and more is a part of caring, with me instead of another as the recipient. Now it is my time to be happy and to feel good caring for myself.

Enjoy your caring as you offer it, but remember to give it to yourself.

Blessings and Best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Your comments and questions are precious to me. Please chime in.

Heartwings Love Notes 2019: Soup to Warm You Up

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Heartwings says, “Warm up on cold days with good, nourishing soup.”

It’s definitely soup weather, and while there are many recipes floating around, I thought I’d share some ideas and suggestions of my own. When I want something hearty to serve Stephen and me for several meals, I check my pantry shelves for lentils, split peas, or mung beans. Any will do in this recipe. Measurements are not fixed in stone and really depend on your taste.

The starting lineup is applicable to any good soup recipe and is the beginning of most of mine: Have onion, celery, and (optional) garlic, together with butter and olive oil for sauteing. Chop onion and celery to make approximately ½ to 1 cup each. 2 Tbs chopped garlic will be enough for good flavor.

I use celery labeled organic celery hearts. I prefer sweet onions for their tear free chopping and milder taste. Try using scissors to cut the celery stalks. Sauté these two for around 10 minutes in around 2 tbs each of butter and olive oil. Add chopped garlic toward the end, when onion and celery are beginning to look transparent.

Have rest of ingredients on hand: 1 tsp dried thyme leaves, 1 or 2 bay leaves, ½ tsp dried savory leaves, I tsp ground garlic or ½ if using fresh–see above. Salt and pepper to taste. If you have other herbs you like, feel free to use them, or none.

Have ½ to 1-quart rich beef or chicken broth, 2 to 4 cups water, 1 cup lentils, mung beans or other dried legumes as desired.

Add liquid and legumes to sautéed vegetables: ½ box broth to 2 cups water, double for 1 cup dry ingredients– ½ cups to 1 cup lentils or other legumes. Bring to a boil and return to simmer for upwards of one hour or more. This keeps well and is better the day after making, it when flavors have a chance to develop.

The same base, perhaps minus the fresh garlic, works well for a good chicken soup. I use the boxed bone broth unless I have some I made from the bones of a recent chicken dinner, boiled up with half an onion and a stalk of celery for flavor. The vegetables for a tasty chicken soup can include more celery and some carrots, if you like. You might substitute dried or fresh rosemary for the savory. If you wish, you can add rice or pasta once you sauté the onion and celery.  If you are using cooked or canned chicken you need to cook the vegetables and rice or pasta in the broth but add the cooked chicken only at the end just to heat it up nicely. Snipped fresh parsley can be added then too. In addition, one or two cups sauteed mushrooms will enrich any of these soups, as will chopped carrots.

I often cook and store rice in the ‘fridge to have handy, either to add to soup or to heat up for a meal.

May you enjoy making soup as well as eating it.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS If you have comments, suggestions, or recipes to share, please write to me at tashahal@gmail.com. It is my great delight to hear from readers. You can sign up to receive my blog weekly at http://tashasperspective.com.

Heartwings Love Notes 2018 Four Seasons of Beaut

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Heartwings says, “Take the time to look around you, especially when you are in nature.”

From the age of seven or eight onward, I often accompanied my father, a horticulturist as well as an arborist, when he visited clients. To this day my eye is drawn to the needs of trees as I pass them or visit with their owners. I have a great regard for the beauty of trees in every season.

Trees have always been special to me. I spent many days climbing and perched in them, reading or drawing. One of my greatest delights as a child was to sit in the big Beech tree toward the middle of my great aunt’s estate where I grew up, to read. I was a voracious reader and devoured books, especially tales of adventure. One of my very favorites was The Swiss Family Robinson, about a shipwrecked family that built and lived in a tree house.

I was fortunate in growing up surrounded by nature. The property where we lived was first developed by my great grandfather, an amateur horticulturist with a great interest in flowers and trees. In his large garden he grew a variety of vegetables, in other, smaller ones, flowers.

My father and mother gardened as well. My practical mother grew vegetables, my romantic father grew roses and many other kinds of flowering bulbs and annuals. My love of nature grew as I did. I wrote poetry about it at an early age. Sometimes I created little booklets for my mother. Happily for me, she saved them and gave them back some thirty years later.

Because I was an only child until I was eight and a half, and we had no close neighbors with children near my age, I spent much of my time alone. I didn’t really mind this; I made my own fun by playing out imaginary scenarios based on my reading. The property we lived on was large, and I could wander it safely. Now, some eighty years later, though still in the same state, I live far from where I grew up. Yet the nature of my childhood still takes my eye and inspires me.

Driving the roads where I live, I am delighted in every season by the trees and the gardens I pass. The loveliness of the spring, summer and fall in New England is equaled by the graceful bare branches of trees in winter, stretched across the sky.

 Beauty is where we find it, and if we are of a mind to seek it, it is everywhere. The wildflowers in their season that spring up by the side of the road are wonderful to see, as are the bright dandelions that grow in various cracks and crevices as well as on lawns where they are allowed. Drops of dew or raindrops that linger in spiderwebs or stretches of weed patches catch the light and glisten where that marvelous artist, nature, puts them. When I take the time to look, in every season there is always something to be seen, and I am ever grateful.

May you find beauty each day, and be grateful for what you find.

 Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS If you have stories or experiences to share, or comments or questions for me, I’d be so happy to read them. It is a joy to hear from readers. Thank you for reading and know that  I appreciate you.

Heartwings Love Notes 2017 About Those Resolutions

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Heartwings says, “Here’s something to think about for those resolutions.”

When I was thinking about the new year coming, and New Year resolutions, I came to a realization: Much of what I might think to choose concerning the making of resolutions is actually something I think about doing all the time, anyway. In other words, at this point my would-be resolutions are part of an ongoing daily practice. Perhaps this might be true for others as well.

What I now experience probably began at the time when I first encountered Yoga. That was back when I was in my late twenties with five children. I was very stressed and having trouble sleeping. Knowing how stressed I was, a good friend gave me a book on Yoga. I remember the author, Richard Hittleman.

The book is long gone from my library; however, it was a relatively simple text that focused primarily on the exercises, with good illustrations. I found it to be helpful, and events unfolded from there, ending up with my becoming a yoga teacher for a number of years. I attended many classes and took teacher training as well as studied Yoga philosophy. I learned and grew from this, and eventually I developed my daily practice.

Practice is something one might think of as what a musician or an athlete does, or something to be repeated until one knows it by heart. A practice can also be something one incorporates into one’s everyday life or lifestyle. In my case the kind of meditation I learned from yoga, even after my career as a teacher ended, became something I began to do daily. From it I acquired the skills of mindfulness and as well as ways to reduce stress and discomfort. Together with my husband Stephen, I began teaching that. as well.

Ultimately, all this evolved into an ability to stay in the present moment, at least most of the time, as well as to find out when I wasn’t there. And this is what I mean by a practice. Which is why I don’t necessarily go for the idea of New Year’s resolutions. I am already working on what I might consider using.

There seems no reason to make a list and try to follow what I am already practicing on a daily basis. I wonder if when readers look at their potential resolutions, they might discover the same for themselves. How we choose what to resolve is going to most likely be things we need to be doing or want to be doing anyway. If we thing we need to make a special effort, we might make that the resolution. For instance we might say, “I resolve to keep on keeping on.” I believe that way we might have more success.

It is often said that the resolutions of most do not last past their first month. If instead of separating our resolutions from everyday life we see them as part of our ongoing experience, they might even last out the year.

May your New Year celebration be happy and your happiness endure.

Blessings and Best Regards, Tasha Halpert

Heartwings Love Notes: The Season of Light

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Heartwings says, “The light is always there, even if it is not visible just then.”

When I was little my mother put real candles on our tree. She had brought the holders with her from Germany, where she had grown up. My great aunt Alice, who was our landlady was somewhat nervous about having live flames on the tree, so we always had a bucket of water and a mop—the old-fashioned string kind, waiting by the tree, just in case something went awry. Nothing ever did.

On Christmas eve day, my mother and I would decorate each bough of the live tree with the silvery metallic strands of tinsel she saved from year to year. Decorative glass balls were at the bottom, smaller ones up higher. As I grew older, I was proud to graduate from hanging decorations in the back; I was finally told I could help hang the strands and ornaments in the front. My mother was an artist and she was very particular about how the tree looked.

The silvery strands we hung one by one along each branch shimmered in the light of the candles and made an awesome sight. Later when my first husband, then a college student, and I celebrated our first Christmas, we couldn’t afford to buy lights but I hung the tinsel on the branches of our table tree and set it by the window. When the sunlight struck the silvery strands, it was almost as beautiful as the trees of my childhood.

Christmas, while traditionally being about the birth of a child, is just as much about light. In the midst of the darkest days of the year in the Northern hemisphere, the first lengthening of the daylight hours begins. All over the world this time is celebrated with all kinds of celebrations featuring gifts and light.

The celebration of the Jewish Hanukah season is about a miracle involving light, as are other light celebrations of December. These include the shepherds who followed the star to the holy stable, the visit of the three kings who did the same, a day sacred to Santa Lucia replete with candles, a Buddhist celebration of the enlightenment of the Buddha, a day sacred to Zoroaster when worshipers visit a fire temple, and others.

Light as a theme is featured throughout the holidays, including the burning of the Yule log, always to include a piece of the year’s previous one, showing the continuation of the cycle of life. To celebrate at the darkest time of the year seems appropriate. What better way to bring light into the world than to celebrate it with music, gifts and feasting? We honor the return of the sun in these ways, affirming in out hearts that no matter how dark and cold it may be, we know the light burns steadily on. At Christmas I remember always my childhood tree, shimmering, its candles burning on Christmas eve, as my mother played Silent Night on her violin.

May your Christmas memories shimmer brightly and your heart feel happy in their light.

Blessings, Best Regards, and Merry be, Tasha Halpert

PS If you have any Christmas memories to share, I would love to hear them. Thank you, Dear Readers, for your comments, and Happy Christmas to all.

Heartwings Love Notes 2015 Giving at the Holidays

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Heartwings says, “Giving needs to be enjoyable for the giver as well as for the recipient.”

Stephen and I were discussing what to give friends and family for Christmas.  We have a list, as always, and in previous years, we have accumulated gifts throughout the year and mailed them or given them away at the holidays. However, there no longer seem to be the choices as in the past. Covid dried up the yard sales where we used to find fun things. Lately, being less mobile, with less time, shopping has not always been an option.

Furthermore, one family member told us she didn’t want any more things. It seemed she and her husband were eliminating, not adding. More recently, we have ordered food gifts from a catalogue that carries a variety of packages of meats, sweets, and cheeses. Some we used to send to were on special diets, or didn’t eat some of the things they used to eat.

I thought about the plethora of catalogues piled on the sofa and sighed. With limited energy and restricted motion there would be no fun going to a mall or even a department store. It was getting late for online shopping especially if we needed to be wrapping and mailing anything to relatives far away. Christmas giving is supposed to be fun. It wasn’t feeling that way.

Then I thought about how nice it was to be able to chose something, using a gift certificate. The answer to my dilemma appeared in flashing lights. Exactly! The perfect solution: gift cards for purchases on Amazon. I turned to Stephen and shared my idea and he agreed. Problem solved. People get to choose what they would like and fortuitously, no postage need be paid by either giver or recipient. It was a win- win situation.

My grandmother always gave my parents some cash, brand new crisp bills from the bank, together with a carton of cigarettes. This was very welcome. As an old friend used to say, “cash makes no enemies.” My father told me that after my grandmother passed on, and he was going through her things, in her bottom bureau drawer he found every gift he had carefully chosen for her re wrapped, brand new and unused. He said it made him feel sad. I don’t blame him.

Her sister, my Great Aunt Alice, used to give strange, even weird gifts that no one cared for and usually could not return because their point of origin was unknown. I do remember one such gift I received from her which was a wood burning set. I had no idea what use to put it to, and for years it gathered dust on the top shelf of my closet.

Each Christmas my dad wrapped the gifts he gave to the gardeners who took care of the estates where he was hired to do tree work. Some got cartons of cigarettes, others ties, and a few got liquor. He wrapped each gift carefully and delivered them himself. It is fun to recall these special holiday memories.

May you enjoy your special holiday memories and share them.”

Blessings and best regards at the holidays and always,

Tasha Halpert

Heartwings Love Notes 2014 Catalogues Abound Now

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Heartwings says, “What to buy for gifts depends upon many factors.”

Every day more catalogues arrive in our small, personal mailbox. Once I found a bill squashed in the bottom of it because the mailbox had been so stuffed. How did the senders get our names? This is one mystery I know not how to solve. I used to call or email and ask to be removed from their list. The excess catalogues seemed to me to be a great waste of paper and postage. I’d even asked at the post office about getting rid of them, but their job is to deliver, not to hold back. Since I have no solution, I just keep discarding all but the few I welcome.

I do keep a small number that we order from. There is a food catalogue that give gifts from each year. They are reasonable and don’t suggest we buy pears that are 2 or 3 dollars each. Tasty I am sure but rather expensive for something that they don’t use fancy ingredients to manufacture. Some of our favorites offer money off if you order before a specific date. This is handy and merciful, especially if one remembers to order before the due date.

When I was ten or twelve, I made the first order I can recall from a catalogue. As I remember, it was a smallish black and white one, with things I thought might please my parents. I bought them a set of ashtrays that featured a heart, a diamond, a spade, and a club on each and were shaped to fit on the corners of a bridge table. How proud and how grown up I felt to have bought them a special present from a catalogue.

My parents and their friends all smoked cigarettes, didn’t everybody? I believe tobacco was different then, however I can’t prove it. My great aunt always had a box of cigarette on her coffee table and most every adult lit up after dinner. That was then, when doctors recommended a certain brand for whatever reason I no longer remember. No one smoked constantly, it was a simple pleasure to be indulged from time to time, not a need to be satisfied. I suspect you won’t find any ashtrays in catalogues these days.

The items in some are almost irresistible, until I remember that my friends do not have any more space for new, ornamental objects than I do. I remember a long time ago reading a quote from someone requesting only gifts she could “Eat, use up, or wear.” Maybe that’s why I often end up with lovely soap, much of which I can’t use, unfortunately, due to the oils I am allergic to. I am also loaded with fancy teas. And nice as they are, I don’t need any more knit hats, either.

May you enjoy choosing from catalogues as you prepare to give your presents,

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS If you have thoughts and/or suggestions to share, I’d be so glad to receive them. For more Love Notes, check my blog at http://tashasperspective.com and click on Pujakins. You can sign up there to receive them weekly as well.

Heartwings Love Notes 2013 Leftovers Can Be Useful

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Heartwings says, “‘Waste not, want not,’ is a good rule to live by.”

I had to throw way some leftovers recently, something I dislike doing. However, my current refrigerator is somewhat low to the ground, and they had vanished into its depths. I once had the freezer part on the bottom. This made it so much easier to deal with leftovers. They seem to land on my current refrigerator’s bottom shelf by default.

This may be because the other shelves in the fridge are already filled with our many jars of condiments, sauces, dressings, and of course food intended for meals. This makes it imperative to keep an eye on what’s down there. I try hard, though apparently not hard enough as I recently discovered.

In search of the remains of a turkey dinner I hoped to serve in another form I discovered two ancient (more than several weeks old) boxes of restaurant leftovers that I didn’t feel were safe to consume. Often, I am happy to use up older leftovers if I am going to cook them for a while before we eat them. I’m very careful that way. If I can help it however, I don’t like to waste food. Unfortunately, these contents of these two containers were really ancient.

Usually, I don’t leave my leftovers in the restaurant boxes, either. The exception would be if they were tightly sealed in strong plastic. Even so, I can keep track by remembering when we went to the restaurant they were from. Prices have gone up, so we don’t eat out as often as we used to. All that aside, the holidays often produce left over food; sometimes it’s difficult to know what to do with it. I know many use microwaves to reheat. I don’t like to. I’d rather be creative.

Here are a few suggestions to use instead of a microwave, that add nutrition and extra flavor: Omelets are tastier when you include bits of meat and vegetables. Add grated cheese for extra zest, or not as you choose. Herbs like thyme and ground garlic are also good to perk up flavor. Home fried potatoes are happy to mix with these ingredients.

Try making patties with leftover mashed potato; add herbs and/or cheese. Let top and bottom brown for great taste. Before heating leftover pasta or rice dishes, add water instead of olive oil, coconut oil or butter to frying pan and let it come to a boil. Then add ingredients and reduce heat. There will be less calories too.  Add with it any additional cooked vegetables on hand. This is a great way to use your small quantities of anything and thrifty too.

You may wish to work with compatible dishes from individual meals so they combine better. That makes for simpler, easier leftover dishes. I am always happy to have items I can combine in my fridge for fast, tasty meals. Adding chopped onions sauteed in butter, perks up flavor every time. Here’s a secret: Chop sweet onions and you might find you don’t suffer from onion tears.

May you find creative ways to use your leftovers.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS If you have creative recipes for leftovers to share, please do. I am always happy to learn and to discover new recipes. Comments, questions, and suggestions are always welcome. Write me at tashahal@gmail.com, and for more Love Notes, visit my blog and/or sign up at http://tashasperspective.com.

Heartwings Love Notes 2012: When Listening is Enough

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Heartwings says, “Listening is an art you can practice any time, with anyone.”

Remember when you were little and you tried to get someone—any grown-up to listen to you? They would either be alone and focused on a task, or talking to another grown-up. You’d speak louder and louder until they listened, only to dismiss what you were trying to tell them and go back to their grown-up doings. It was no fun being ignored, and often it was frustrating.

 Although today things are usually different for most children, it can still be hard, sometimes for a child to get someone’s attention. Getting a person to hear you means getting them to listen. Shouting seldom gets the kind of attention you may actually want. In my long life I have come to discover that in order to get people to hear you, you must first listen to them.

Listening is an art, and it is not often taught to children or to adults either. In most conversations, participants listening are actually thinking about how or with what ideas they will respond. Many of us do not really listen to what others are saying. Not only might the other person be speaking with a hidden agenda, he or she might simply be expressing feelings and not need more than compassionate sympathy.

Most   people hope to be helpful. They want others to feel happy, comfortable, or at least feel or be better. Toward that end they will make suggestions, give advice, or generally try to smooth things over. Many times this is not really what is needed. The person expressing the complaint may actually only be seeking sympathy and/or compassion. Often there is not much that can be done to “fix” things. To try to do so can even make situations worse. We all have our own ideas what might be done, and sadly can’t be, for whatever reason. Many of these begin with “If only…”.

All too often the phrase “if only” infers there is a situation which involves a change in a person, the attitude of another, or of circumstances which are fixed and immovable. The desired change may not be practical or even possible. Furthermore, what is actually vitally important is to acknowledge the complainer’s feelings. Whether the listener feels the complaint is justified or not, it is important for the that person to comprehend that to the complainer, it is.

There is an important rule or guide to behavior that is also part of the ancient wisdom: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  However, it is important to add: If you were they. If you complained, how would you like to be told what you did wrong? Or how you could fix something, if you hadn’t asked for help? When someone speaks of his or her trouble, what is often most relevant and definitely kinder is, “I am so sorry; I sympathize;” or just, “how hard that must be for you.” Simply listening is often enough.

May you find helpful ways to support those who are troubled or grieving.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Do you have stories to share or comments? I’d love to hear from you. Please write to me at tashahal@mail.com, and do check my blog to sign up so you won’t miss a Love Note at http://tashasperspective.com and click on Pujakins to get connected if you need to.

Heartwings Love Notes 2011: Simple Joys

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Heartwings Love Notes 2011 Simple Joys

Heartwings says, “When gratitude fills the heart, joy blossoms around it.” 

Even if I didn’t have a calendar, I’d know it was going to be Thanksgiving. The grocery store circulars are filled with “Thanksgiving Specials” and holiday foods. There are all kinds of turkey specials and images of what Ben Franklin wanted for the national bird as opposed to the eagle, proliferate throughout the internet. Children are drawing turkeys, recipes for how to cook them, and other related items such as stuffing ingredients are plentiful.

Yet I feel sure we also need to be thankful not just once a year, but daily. I believe Oprah made the “attitude of gratitude” popular, and it is truly the basis for a life filled with rewards. I’ve told this story before but it bears repeating: Many years ago—over fifty now, I was on the phone with a wise woman friend, complaining about my lot. In a firm, but kind voice she told me I had much to be grateful for, to focus on that, and gave me a simple prayer to say at least three times a day. “Beloved Lord, I do greatly thank thee for the abundance that is mine.”

Because I respected her and her advice, I did as she suggested. In the months and now the many years since I began doing that, practically all my wishes have come true. My life changed dramatically for the better, and I have continued to be grateful. My focus on gratitude transformed into an attitude. I even learned to be grateful for wishes that did not come true, or aspects of my life that seemed dismaying. Seeking out the good to come out of any seeming difficulty has often proved to be a saving grace.

It is easy, especially when beginning the attitude of gratitude practice, to be grateful for the big things—a happy life, a healthy family, an abundance of good fortune. However, there is a real benefit to remembering to be grateful for what might otherwise be taken for granted: the simple joys of life. Hot showers, for instance, or a full refrigerator. My dear son and his beloved were able to make a rare visit on their way elsewhere, and how wonderful that was. However, sitting on the couch with my Stephen, just holding hands and feeling loved is a great blessing as well.

Being able to write my columns and send them out is another simple joy as well as a privilege, I very much appreciate. Friends and family calling, seeing loved ones regularly, a good night’s sleep, the list can go on endlessly, are all joyful experiences to be acknowledged. My attitude of gratitude has become almost an automatic response I make daily as the occasions arise. I believe it helps to do this, for I have read and been told many times, whatever we focus on is what we will get more of. Thanksgiving is a good reminder to all, to be grateful, and so I am definitely thankful for that as well.

May you find much to be grateful for as you celebrate the holiday.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS As you think about and practice gratitude, share what you are grateful for, I would be so happy to know, dear readers. Please know how grateful I am for every reader who enjoys my words and how I appreciate any and all comments.