Tag Archives: Life

Heartwings Love Notes: Once a Mom Always a Mom

Posted on by

Heartwings says, “Mothers deserve to be acknowledged every day, not just one.”

Most of the time, once you have a baby, something changes. You are now a mom, with all that entails. A tug to the heartstrings connects you to the tiny being you now hold. It is a special bond, unlike any other because it can last as long as you live, and rightly so, because it surpasses distance and circumstance. It may be stronger for some than for others, however nature has probably designed it for us so the survival of the species is assured. It seems built in.

The day to honor mothers brings out remembrances of one’s own, as well as (hopefully) acknowledgement from one’s children. Having just this morning, the day before the official one, received a call from one of mine, I am still basking in the glow from it. I know I will hear more, as I did today. My dear family is good about keeping in touch. I feel most fortunate for this.

My own dear mother is now no longer in her physical body, yet she is still in my heart and always will be. Though like most parents and children we had our differences, for a long time now all has been forgiven. As we grow older most recognize that our parents do the best they can and we have benefited from their care even though we may feel that we suffered from aspects of it. Fortunately for most of us, wisdom comes with time and experience, and with hindsight we see the past in a different light.

Mothers often try to protect their children from what they see as bad or as harmful. This is based on their own experiences or what they have been told by others. It may or may not be relevant but as mothers, all we have to go on is what we believe at the time. And times do change. Once comic books were considered a bad influence. I remember there was a lot of talk about this. Now that is no longer an issue; other warnings have taken their place. Mothers still have the same desire to protect the young.

Does this ever go away? I think not. Speaking for myself I know my children must tire of my warning them to get enough sleep or to be mindful of something or other. A mother must allow for the continuation of the mother instinct as it persists regardless of our ages. No doubt, in my opinion this proves mothering must be built in.

The main thing, to my mind is to remember not to nag one’s children or to act disapproving if they somehow manage to ignore or not to heed our advice. Equally important is not to be critical as they learn things by making mistakes. It is truly said what is most important about making mistakes is to learn from them.  Knowing she did the best she could, today I bless my dear mother, and I am grateful.

May you be a loving mom even if you have no one of your own to mother.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Tell me about your mom and what she did for you. I do so enjoy hearing from my readers. Write to me at tashahal@gmail.com, or better yet, sign up for my weekly column at http://tashasperspective.com

Heartwings Love Notes 2033 Beauty Everywhere I Look

Posted on by

Heartwings says, “It is well to appreciate whatever beauty appears as it does.”

Every day now when I open my bedroom curtains, I see the advance of spring. It is a grand treat to watch the advance of the season. The buds on the trees near my back porch are all in different stages of development. When I go for my exercise walks there, I observe the small, delicate baby leaves day by day as they unfurl from the originally tightly closed buds. They are visible on a bush growing close to one end of the porch. From the other end, there is a wondrous row of tall trees in various stages of unfolding.

When I am at my desk in the front of our apartment, I can see that the trees outside on the street where I live are now growing green. Only days before they bore only bare branches. Every spring I am reminded of how I would see the maple trees outside the windows of the high school I attended in Boston, grow green and leaf out as they expanded with the warming days. Then I would travel back home on the train, to where the buds on the branches of the trees around our house were still tightly closed, marveling at the difference.

Spring beauty is all pastel budding trees and flowering trees and bushes. Wherever I drive I first see the brilliant forsythia as it begins the floral procession, providing a special kind of sunshine on a cloudy day. That is followed by the abundant blossoms of the magnolia trees that burgeon in the yards and by the roadsides. Every spring I have to struggle to keep my eyes on the road as I drive.

Traveling the highway is another special treat, though mostly in the past for me. Most of my driving these days is local, and only in the daytime. Still, I do feel fortunate to be able to watch the development of the season as it moves across the land, even if it is from my window. One of the special things about New England is the wonderful and dramatic change that comes with each season. I even like the storms, as long as I can stay in and watch them from inside my home.

Summer heat and humidity will be along soon enough. It sounds like heresy to say it, yet I must admit it is my least favorite season. I tend to feel listless and uncomfortable in the summer, and I am very grateful for our air conditioner, as is Stephen. I am always happy when fall, my favorite season, arrives and starts to transform the landscape. My appetite picks up as does my energy. In spring that starts to dwindle and it almost vanishes in the summer.

Still, that is to come, and for now it is time to enjoy what this season has to offer. I am grateful that I can appreciate the loveliness everywhere I look.

May you find beauty to see wherever you are.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

P.S. What do you find that gives you joy in the seasons? Please do share with me either here or at tashahal@gmail.com. I so enjoy hearing from readers. You can also read this and past Love Notes on my Facebook page and my blog, https://tashasperspective.com/Pujakins

Heartwings Love Notes 2032 Learn by Doing it Wrong

Posted on by

Heartwings says, “If the cook enjoys the cooking, the food often tastes better.”

As any of my long-time readers know, I had to teach myself to cook. My mother didn’t like to and didn’t really want me in the kitchen. She lacked the patience to teach me and was usually too busy with my three younger siblings to have the time to do much besides put simple meals on the table. She hadn’t learned to cook from her mother, having grown up with a father in the diplomatic service, so that servants were a necessity.

As a new bride, with cookbook in hand, I set out to feed my new husband. I made some simple mistakes, and soon learned from them. Some of them were good learning experiences. One of my first was the belief that we ought to have meat at least twice a day, at both lunch and dinner. My husband’s ROTC salary was small and had to cover all our living expenses, so we ate a lot of the cheapest meat I could find, which was hot dogs.

We ate a lot of them, boiled, as my mother had cooked them. Fortunately, my new husband was fine with that, and as we were only eighteen and twenty, we did just fine on our simple diet. Our new baby daughter ate along with us. To save money, I began experimenting and soon learned to make casseroles. Our family grew and so did my range of expertise. My husband preferred simple meat and potatoes meals. My two little girls liked casseroles, and that was encouraging. My sons imitated their father. However, I instituted a “three bite” rule. They learned not to automatically reject what I served.

Baking came later. I spent a long time learning to make good muffins. The mixes available were not very good, and frankly, I’ve never wanted to use a mix if I could use my own ingredients. My early muffins suffered from my attempts at baking cakes. Lots of beating is the standard for good cakes. Quite the contrary for muffins. After many batches of non-rising, tough, though edible muffins, I finally found this out.

As the years have gone by, I have also had other important lessons. For instance, there is a type of pie pan made with holes in the bottom that is meant only for baking the crust of a pie to be filled after it has been baked. I learned this when as I was sitting with my dinner guests, the blueberry pie filling I had put into the unbaked pie shell began dripping onto the floor of the oven. This was a shock. Fortunately, my guests were understanding.

Cooking is both a science and an art. Even as a child, I enjoyed it, though I am the only one in my birth family to do so. Once, I contemplated making a mud pie cookbook. As an adult I wrote two simple cookbooks: one for cookies, one when we became sugar free and vegetarian.

May you enjoy your adventures with food.”

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

P.S. Do you have recipes or cooking adventures to share? Please do let me know what you know, I so enjoy hearing from readers. Please write me by hitting reply. Sign up at my blog for more at https://tashasperspective.com/Pujakins.

Heartwings Love Notes 2031: The Virtue of Small Tasks

Posted on by

Heartwings says, “Where you put your focus is vital to your success.”

 My mother used to tell me she enjoyed hanging out the laundry because when she finished doing so, she felt as though she had accomplished something. It gave her a feeling of satisfaction. At the time I was buried in tasks built around mothering my five very active, very creative children and was happy to have an electric dryer to do the work for me.

These days after many years of hanging the laundry out on the various clotheslines or racks in the different places I’ve lived, I again rely on a dryer, though for different reasons. Due to my Parkinson’s’, the time it takes me to accomplish anything has quadrupled, or nearly so, depending on the task.

I can’t do much about this. There is truth in that half humorous Pennsylvania Dutch saying, “The faster I go, the behinder I get.” In other words, when I try to hurry what I am doing, I make foolish errors or mess up in some way that delays me even more. Sometimes I feel like the adolescent with poor proprioception that I once was, who used to drop things, bump into them, or stumble over whatever got in my way. Nowadays there is a word for that condition, back then I was said to be clumsy.

Instead, I try to bring my attention to whatever I am attempting. It helps me when instead of allowing myself to be distracted, I focus on that and that alone. However, what I find to be the most useful are the small, daily chores I once hurried through in order to “get things done.”

I have made peace with tomorrow, recognizing that unless there is a hard and fast deadline, most things can be delayed without problems or harm. In addition, I get training in letting go of the ego satisfaction I used to derive from being efficient. The difficulty with ego satisfaction is that it’s distracting and not necessarily helpful.When I seek satisfaction as a goal, instead of a focus on accomplishing the task, it really does take away from my ability to function efficiently.

In trying to satisfy my ego, I’m not as able to pursue the best way to get something done. It’s easy to miss what works best when you are looking for what feels good to you. I’ve also noticed that these days, for many, faster seems to equate to better. No craftsperson worth her or his salt feels that way. I am reminded of the film The Karate Kid about the martial arts student whose teacher instructed him, “Wax on, wax off” as he worked on a car.

There is also the saying, “Chop wood, carry water,” a Buddhist perspective in reference to every day accomplishments. It’s all really about doing what is there to be done, the best way you can. Small tasks done with loving attention are as worthwhile as great accomplishments, however they are done.

May you find joy in whatever task you are pursuing.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

P.S. Do you have any hints or helps along these lines? I can always use good ones, and I so enjoy hearing from readers. Reach out to me at Tashahal@gmail.com, and sign up for more Love Notes at https://tashasperspective.com/Pujakins.  

Heartwings Love Notes 2026: Remember to Respect Yourself

Posted on by

Heartwings says, “Self-respect is as important as respecting others.”

Self-respect is important. While it might be better known now, I wasn’t taught that when I was young. Then, I was taught to stand up when adults entered the room. I was told to listen when spoken to and not to interrupt. I was instructed to write thank you notes when I received a gift and to say” thank you,” or “you’re welcome,”, as opposed to “no problem.”  This was what I was told was good manners and a sign of respect for one’s elders. No one thought to teach me to respect myself. Perhaps I was supposed to figure that out. In those days, it might even be have been considered being selfish.

How do you teach self-respect? Do you learn to respect yourself by the virtue of being respected by others. When I was growing up, no one thought much about respecting children. The axiom, “Children are to be seen and not heard” was in full force when I was in my single digits. I was told to respect others, and it never occurred to me or to any adult that perhaps I too deserved respect, or that respect was a two-way street. In those days, I was considered to be “only a child.” I grew up with this, and for many years I had that same attitude.

My mother and her two sisters had it worse.  Their father was in the diplomatic service and the guests to their home for formal or even informal occasions often brought candy or other treats as a kind gesture for their host’s children. Their mother thanked the giver politely and whisked the candy away, saying quietly to the little girls, “This is for the guests.” One of my mother’s friends co-opted the hard-earned savings of her three sons to purchase a car. She said, “They get to ride in it, so they can help pay for it. I remember feeling shocked at the time. It seemed unfair. However, when my neighbor spoke of her children’s TV programs as important, I was surprised. That was a new thought, and I remember that it influenced my attitude toward respect for children from then on.

Since then, I have learned more about respect, what it is and what it means. I confess to being a people pleaser. This has hindered the learning process. Parkinson’s, that relentless and demanding condition, is finally teaching me self-respect. I realize I must respect my limits. It is too easy to over-tax myself in an effort to be kind and nice. I have had to deal with real limits to my mobility and to my strength. I try to expand those limits, yet I realize I must often bow to them. Lessons come to us in ways we need to learn. As I grow in my ability to respect my own limits, I also learn to do better at respecting those of others, and for this I am grateful.

May you appreciate your opportunities to learn and grow.

Blessings and Best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Learned any good lessons lately? I so enjoy it when readers share their experiences. Your emails make my day. Write me at tashahal@gmail.com, and check out my website at www.heartwingsandfriends.com for more love notes.

Heartwings Love Notes 2024: The Beauty of Winter

Posted on by

Heartwings says, “As you seek out its loveliness, you will appreciate each season.”

As spring begins her slow back-and-forth progress across the landscape, the beauty of winter will soon be behind us. I will miss the bouquets of bare branches, springing from their tree trunk stems where they grow by the side of the road.

To be sure, I will be happy for the brighter days, and as well for the warmer temperatures—until it gets too hot. Which is why I am such a fan of winter. Summer is my least favorite season, though of course that was not always true for me. As I grow older, I grow fonder of the cooler temperatures, and I tolerate the heat less and less.

I sleep better when there are more of the darker hours as well. Even though I do enjoy the late evenings of summer there is something so cozy about drawing the curtains in the late afternoons of winter, and of feeling the warmth of the quilt when I climb into my bed at night. For me this is another of the many forms of beauty. My definition of beauty is broader than most.

Beauty takes many forms, many of them not traditional. There is beauty in an elderly wrinkled face when the wrinkles are from that person’s many smiles over the years. Every season has its own special beauty, and so does each season of life. There is beauty in the memories and stories of a long life, and the wisdom of age has a beauty all its own.

In the winter of my life, it is enjoyable to me to see the grown grandchildren as they become their adult selves. I recently became a great grandmother again, and as I looked at the face of the proud father holding his first, a son, my heart warmed in my chest. I probably will not see the young boy into manhood, and that’s all right, I can see him growing and that’s enough.

In winter, for me, each day becomes more precious. To my dismay, my moments seem to speed by; my hours vanish into the days. I cannot slow down time; however, I can take note of it. I can be present in my hours and in my days. I can make note of whatever beauty is to be found wherever it is present. This is true in every season, of course yet in winter it might be more difficult.

The stark landscape may not appear beautiful to some or even many people. To me, its simplicity is beautiful. The dry grasses and weeds, brown against the snow or swaying in the wind are quite lovely. Of course, flowers are glorious when they appear, and the daffodils are welcome, yet the muted landscape enhances the brilliance of the cardinals and the other birds. When the sun shines, it makes more of an impact then, than during the other seasons.

It is wonderful to see beauty and to appreciate it, wherever it is found. Being present to enjoy it is a kind of beauty as well.

May you take the time to enrich yourself with beauty.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS What do you enjoy about winter? What season do you appreciate most? I love it when readers share with me, please write to me at tashahal@gmail.com and make my day.

Heartwings Love Notes 2022 Love is in the Air

Posted on by

Heartwings says, “Love has many forms and faces, all of them true.”

Have you noticed the avian activity? The birds know that winter is on the way out and spring is on the way in. It will take its time getting here, yet its eventual arrival is assured. The birds’ songs are an indication that soon, or perhaps sooner still, mating will begin to take place.

Mating is preceded by courting, of course. This is the males’ opportunity to strut their stuff, show off their finery and often to compete with other males for the attention of their chosen lady love. Much of the birds’ design is intended to facilitate this process.

Other species, too, begin to shake off winter and think about the oncoming season. This includes humans, of course. The stores have already set up their Valentine’s Day displays. That happens soon after Christmas. Hearts and flowers predominate. Don’t look now but is there a shamrock or two mixed in? That’s just a hint of how the seasons are advertised, commercially at least, to remind us to celebrate.

However, love is the January/February feature—romantic love, that is.

While it’s too early by far for spring fever, the fever of love is clearly an aspect of February. Books, as well as the Internet tell us its name is derived from that of a goddess whose Latin or Roman name translates to fever: Februata. I enjoy reading up on the myths and tales surrounding the times for celebration. The ancient peoples used stories to convey information, the symbols that are part of the facts illustrate it as much as or even more than the words.

Love is expressed in many ways, some of them obvious, some not. There is a saying, “Handsome is as handsome does.” Good looks may attract the eye, but it takes more than that to go past attraction to the full bloom of romantic love. It can begin that way, for sure.

Most of us can probably remember our first real love as teenagers. I know I do. I had a felt hat that was given as a favor at parties that my first real boyfriend gave me. As I recall, it had several pins on it. My poor mother disliked it intensely. He and I wrote each other every day while he was away–I’m not exactly sure where, and spoke on the phone a lot when he returned. This annoyed my father, who did a lot of his business over the telephone, and did not want me tying it up.

The Greeks as well as other peoples of other nationalities have words for all the kinds of love, as well as symbols. However it is expressed, the call to embrace and then perhaps to reproduce is definitely in the air in February. Valentine’s day is the center around which the celebration is built, but which came first, I wonder? Nature’s influence, or the push to celebrate the beginning of spring? My money’s on Mother Nature.

May you find love where you seek it, and cherish it when you do.

Blessings and Best Regards, Tasha Halpert

PS How do you think love is given best? Please share your ideas. Do you have some thoughts for me? I love hearing from you, and hope you do. Please write to me at Tashahal@gmail.com, and you can sign up to receive my blog weekly at http://tashasperspective.com, click on Pujakins/ from the poet’s heart.

Heartwings Love Notes 2021: Zen Bones to Chew

Posted on by

Heartwings says, “Learning and growing can be life long.”

Throughout my life certain lessons, or learning experiences have been repeated, even after I believed I had already learned them. I had a teacher who called these Zen bones to chew. They are life lessons, opportunities to learn and grow recurring over again on a spiral or development.

What the name refers to is the practice of Zen, a Buddhist way of thinking that suggests total focus on the present moment. Simply put, practitioners of Zen live their lives acting spontaneously, rather than by a schedule, or a routine, or more importantly by previous rules or even experience.

The Zen bone lesson is usually so simple it is easy to miss: a habit, such as reacting in a certain way might be an example. It’s often difficult to notice habitual action, reaction, or even especially thinking. We are so used to it.

The Zen part, the ability to observe that habit as it is lived, is where the opportunity to learn, or the lesson comes in. The idea of chewing is of course the repetition of the lesson until we get it, at least until the next time it is handed to us. When it is a life lesson or learning experience, it is always repeated.

I recently had an encounter with one of mine. My mother was extremely self-conscious. She worried a lot what people would think of her or her behavior. This can have an inhibiting effect. Over time I have struggled with my tendency to follow her example, catching myself in the act, so to speak. I thought I was doing pretty well. But I had an interesting dream that showed me I wasn’t. 

The dream came after Stephen was talking about taking a cruise. He was enthusiastically proposing to explore options, maybe find an affordable excursion to celebrate a special occasion. I observed myself thinking of all sorts or reasons not to go. No need to list them, they were all speculative. And, as I finally figured out, an excuse to avoid situations involving exposing myself to discomfort.

In the dream I saw a pair of eyeglasses. They looked old and out of date. Then I was told I had to make a sculpture for a contest, but I was given only a tiny amount of material to use. I saw the previous entry and it was large. I felt daunted. When I woke up, I understood the dream’s meaning. My mother was a sculptor first, before she began painting. This and the eyeglasses set the dream as involving her.

 I realized I was feeling inadequate around the idea of a cruise. I worried a little about making my way around a cruise ship, but more, and more importantly, about what people would think. These days, a combination of age and Parkinson’s means I have difficulty standing up straight, and I walk very slowly. I feared being judged by my appearance. Struggling with my inherited self-consciousness, I was being given another opportunity to chew on that same old Zen bone.

May you find opportunities to learn always.

Blessings and Best Regards, Tasha Halpert

Dear Readers, please let me know what you think, I so enjoy hearing from you. You can write to me using reply, if there, or my email at tashahal@gmail.com. Hoping to hear, thanks, Tasha

Self Care Matters

Posted on by

Heartwings Love Notes 2020 Self Care Matters

Heartwings says, “Caring for yourself is as important as caring for others.”

When I was very young, because I was taught by my needs to eat and sleep, I learned a way to care for myself. Then I learned to care for a pet, and even my stuffed toys and dolls by putting them to bed or picking them up. My caring became increasingly focused outward. There were relatives, friends, people who worked for me, and others to whom I, as their relationships to me evolved in my life, brought various degrees of caring. In a lesser way I also learned to care for a home and a garden.

I moved from single to married and became a parent. Eventually I had five children to care for and spent my time caring for them and for their father. The period of being a parent has no real end, but it changes as time goes on and the children became independent. I continued to care for friends and relations, and my satisfaction with my life and what I did grew to become a chief source of my pleasure and happiness. It feels good to do for others, and like many if not most I was taught to do this from the time I was young.

What I have recently realized is that in all the situations I have mentioned, my caring was directed to someone or even something outside myself. I was taught to put others first, take the smallest piece of cake, show others I cared about them by caring for them. However, as a result of my current physical condition, I have had to devote more and more time to caring for myself. I even frequently have to ask for help from others—usually my kind husband, for help with things I can no longer do myself.

I’ve also learned I need to be much more patient with my inabilities. When I was growing up, I was taught to be strong, not to complain, and to be almost fiercely independent. None of these attitudes serves me now. Quite the contrary. If I don’t ask, or even complain, no one will know what I need. When I need help, I must speak up. This means admitting to an inadequacy, something I never used to like doing, and still at times find it difficult to do.

I have learned one way to care for myself is to ask for help when I need it. Another is to do my exercises each morning, try to get out for a walk, eat nutritiously and avoid sugar and rich food. Getting enough sleep is important too. I am learning to be patient with what I cannot accomplish, put up with piles as yet unattended—mine and Stephen’s, and allow more time to get things done. All this and more is a part of caring, with me instead of another as the recipient. Now it is my time to be happy and to feel good caring for myself.

Enjoy your caring as you offer it, but remember to give it to yourself.

Blessings and Best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Your comments and questions are precious to me. Please chime in.

Heartwings Love Notes 2019: Soup to Warm You Up

Posted on by

Heartwings says, “Warm up on cold days with good, nourishing soup.”

It’s definitely soup weather, and while there are many recipes floating around, I thought I’d share some ideas and suggestions of my own. When I want something hearty to serve Stephen and me for several meals, I check my pantry shelves for lentils, split peas, or mung beans. Any will do in this recipe. Measurements are not fixed in stone and really depend on your taste.

The starting lineup is applicable to any good soup recipe and is the beginning of most of mine: Have onion, celery, and (optional) garlic, together with butter and olive oil for sauteing. Chop onion and celery to make approximately ½ to 1 cup each. 2 Tbs chopped garlic will be enough for good flavor.

I use celery labeled organic celery hearts. I prefer sweet onions for their tear free chopping and milder taste. Try using scissors to cut the celery stalks. Sauté these two for around 10 minutes in around 2 tbs each of butter and olive oil. Add chopped garlic toward the end, when onion and celery are beginning to look transparent.

Have rest of ingredients on hand: 1 tsp dried thyme leaves, 1 or 2 bay leaves, ½ tsp dried savory leaves, I tsp ground garlic or ½ if using fresh–see above. Salt and pepper to taste. If you have other herbs you like, feel free to use them, or none.

Have ½ to 1-quart rich beef or chicken broth, 2 to 4 cups water, 1 cup lentils, mung beans or other dried legumes as desired.

Add liquid and legumes to sautéed vegetables: ½ box broth to 2 cups water, double for 1 cup dry ingredients– ½ cups to 1 cup lentils or other legumes. Bring to a boil and return to simmer for upwards of one hour or more. This keeps well and is better the day after making, it when flavors have a chance to develop.

The same base, perhaps minus the fresh garlic, works well for a good chicken soup. I use the boxed bone broth unless I have some I made from the bones of a recent chicken dinner, boiled up with half an onion and a stalk of celery for flavor. The vegetables for a tasty chicken soup can include more celery and some carrots, if you like. You might substitute dried or fresh rosemary for the savory. If you wish, you can add rice or pasta once you sauté the onion and celery.  If you are using cooked or canned chicken you need to cook the vegetables and rice or pasta in the broth but add the cooked chicken only at the end just to heat it up nicely. Snipped fresh parsley can be added then too. In addition, one or two cups sauteed mushrooms will enrich any of these soups, as will chopped carrots.

I often cook and store rice in the ‘fridge to have handy, either to add to soup or to heat up for a meal.

May you enjoy making soup as well as eating it.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS If you have comments, suggestions, or recipes to share, please write to me at tashahal@gmail.com. It is my great delight to hear from readers. You can sign up to receive my blog weekly at http://tashasperspective.com.