Struggles and Struggling by Tasha Halpert

Posted on May 29, 2025 by pujakins

Heartwings Love Notes

Heartwings says, “How we frame our experiences can help them help us grow.”

I participate in an internet group of people who deal with being in some way disabled. The chief experience they share is blindness. I have great admiration for the positive attitudes I’ve encountered among this group, and most particularly those of their founder and leader Patty Fletcher. She asked me to contribute some writing about my experiences with Parkinson’s and the disabilities I cope with.

There is a saying to the effect that if all of us were to hang our troubles on a tree, rather than exchange them, each would take back their own. I have only admiration for how others cope with being without sight. My Parkinson’s, a neurological condition, presents me with extreme slowness and considerable weakness. My hands are slow and rather clumsy; I can no longer sew and dealing with buttons is too challenging. My writing dwindles as I try to form the words. I tire easily, have balance issues, and walk bent over.

Coping with these conditions, at least for me, revolves around not feeling I need to try to do more or do better than I am able at the time. Some days are better, some worse. Making comparisons between the present and the past is negative, creating even more frustration than I already experience. I often underestimate how much time anything will take me and end up being late. Of course, I fear looking awkward or pitiable, although currently I do not shake and tremble as many with this condition do. That can change.

At least at this time my mind remains clear, apparently unaffected except for some forgetfulness. I’d be surprised if I wasn’t somewhat so at my age. I feel blessed for that, and for the help I receive from my dear husband and the Elder Services available to me. My mother started losing her mental focus in her 70’s, and lost much of it by the age I am now—I’ll be 90 this fall.

My current best coping mechanism is to see my condition as graduate school, working on a Master’s in patience and detachment, enhancing my ability to keep on keeping on. I struggle with my attempts to maintain my equilibrium keeping my mind on the present and ignoring thoughts of what I was once able to do. Comparisons with the past have little to no use when it comes to making progress; avoiding that keeps me focused on what I am able to accomplish.

Heartwings 2053: I Would if I Could

Posted on October 6, 2024 by pujakins

Heartwings says, “Expectations can be unrealistic.”

I used to be able… These days these words echo in my mind far too many times. Frustrating? I don’t fault myself for what I cannot accomplish in the time I have; I do, however, regret it. For instance, I have not written a column since mid-September. This is something new for me.

It is not for lack of inspiration. In fact, I have three potential column titles posted in a note on my computer screen, and this isn’t even one of them. Nor is it because I’m tired of writing, far from it. It’s been my joy for a long time, and still is. No, it is because I have not taken the time or made writing a top priority. That is the bottom line. What to do? Simple answer: cut back.

I once wrote my columns weekly. Year in and year out I wrote a new one, very occasionally going back to pull up an old one and revise it a little. Until fairly recently they were in the Grafton News. They were finally dropped as a result of editorial policy. Now I have no deadline and less incentive to produce. I do love to write; however, needs must take precedence over pleasure.

Three meals a day have to be planned and cooked. While Stephen would eat out at least once a day, this practical person never would. Even if my pocketbook could handle that, my digestion could not. Then there’s laundry, tidying, and so forth. No ned to bore you, dear reader, with the details. Worse, my emails pile up horribly. I could handle all this once, to be sure, and therein lies the rub.

Not only must I adjust my expectations, I must also eliminate or at least cut back on my activities. I always answer every personal email response that readers send me. People are very important to me. Then too I enjoy passing on articles of interest, not to mention reading them myself. And I do appreciate any of readers’ kind responses. I post the columns on Facebook as well as on my blog.

Facebook, too needs attending to. I enjoy thanking people for their nice comments as well as responding to others’ thoughts. Perhaps I need to give up doing all that responding. Maybe I need to stop reading the intriguing daily informational columns like the History one…yet they do give me pleasure. If my readers have any suggestions, I would welcome them.

Having Parkinson’s means I will need three or four times as long to do anything I used to do, whether it’s making a sandwich or writing and posting my blog. When I can at least do away with any expectations it does make me feel better. I try to pat myself on the back for what I can do and ignore my regrets. You dear reader will see less of me, however I will stay with what I can do and keep you posted.

May you be happy with your accomplishments.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Please write!

A poet and writer, I publish a free weekly blog, Heartwings Love Notes for a Joyous Life. My Books: Up to my Neck in Lemons, and Heartwings, Love Notes for a Joyous Life are available on Amazon. My latest publication available there is my first chapbook, Poems and Prayers, and I have two more in preparation. You can sign up for my blog at http://tashasperspective.com.

Heartwings Love Notes 2052 The Three Bite Rule

Posted on September 15, 2024 by pujakins

Heartwings says, “A little can be as much as a lot.”

As a child I was taught to finish everything on my plate. This was often said to me as I dawdled over what I didn’t like to eat, like liver. “It’s good for you, now finish your…” or “the little children starving in (India, China or somewhere far away) would be so happy to have this.” No doubt many of my readers heard some variation of these words.

What we hear as children often becomes gospel to us as adults. The adult results from “finish your plate” may be overweight, or even eating disorders. It is also difficult for us to overcome our childhood anathemas. Mine was boiled eggs. It took me years to get over my original dislike of them. I never did that to my children. I did, however have a “three bite rule.”

At any meal, both family members, as well as any guests present, had to take at least three bites of everything offered. This did not seem to cause any problems in so far as I could see, and it did result in some new likes, a plus to be sure.

Eating habits are something we acquire and can be changed, though with a conscious effort. Sometimes it doesn’t matter, although I believe that my husband, who actually likes the taste of liver, wishes I would change how I feel about it. This is difficult for me because I used to cut it up as small as I could and swallow each piece without chewing it, as though it were a pill.

Although my mother was not enthusiastic about sweets, and we seldom even had candy except on holidays, I have always been prone to enjoying them whenever I had access to any. Come to think of it, maybe that was why! Nevertheless, I had to learn to curb my predilection for sugar, first because of weight gain and later for diabetes.

One of the most helpful methods I ever found was contained in a book whose author and title are lost to my memory. It was called the three bite rule, and it consisted of limiting any sweet or dessert to three bites. To be sure, it does require a certain amount of self-discipline. I have had to develop this anyway for various reasons, and am still working on it. That said, I do advocate this method of being able to enjoy the pleasure of sweets without penalty.

I have also discovered that to go beyond the limit of three bites does not necessarily bring more pleasure and that the limit of three actually gives me the most pleasure to be had. Once this limit is reached, at lease as far as I can tell, the sensation of the sweet taste begins to diminish. This is especially true with my favorite dessert and treat, ice cream. Try it if you like and see for yourself.

May you discover ways to live with your self-imposed limits.

Blessings and Best Regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Do you have experiences or suggestions to share? I’d love to hear your comments. Please make my day; write to me at tashahal@gmail.com.

Heartwings Love Notes 2050: The Importance of Spiritual Teachers

Posted on August 27, 2024 by pujakins

Heartwings says, “Teachers of spirituality appear in many ways

.”It is a great help to have someone who can teach you or guide you. This applies especially to any spiritual work, and is certainly proven by the number of books available to be of help in a variety of situations and circumstances.

While I have explored and benefited from many different books, still my human teachers have taught me more than all the books put together. Were I to name them all, the list would be long and not necessarily of interest. However, I will tell you about two very special ones, and what they taught me.

My long time Yoga teacher, the late Joann Sherwood, originally began her professional life as a dancer. After studying with several prestigious spiritual teachers, she began her own classes. When I met her, she had already inspired many students as well as brought them helpful knowledge and techniques to enhance their personal as well as professional development.

A most special aspect of her work was the array of remarkable individuals she presented to us in her monthly lecture series. However, one of the best lessons I learned from any of them was that regardless how holy or how knowledgeable a teacher might be, he or she was also a human being, with normal behaviors. There was one who fretted about his tea, another about his scheduling, and so on. It was enlightening. I was able to observe these issues because Joann had put me on a committee to look after their needs. It was heartening to me. I learned and observed, and finally completely understood I didn’t have to be perfect to be spiritual.

I first met the late Father Angelo Rizzo, my second special teacher, at one of Joann’s monthly gatherings. He spent a part of every year in Brazil doing missionary work, and the remainder in and around New England, speaking and preaching about how the mind is the healer. This was more than forty-five years ago. Stephen and I got to know him personally while we were living in Marblehead. We offered to help him write a book featuring the themes of his teaching. He agreed.

These were not traditionally Catholic nor were they usual for a priest to be espousing. He gave us a title and his lecture tapes to work from. “I Believe Using Mind Power We are All Healers” was typed up and then fashioned into the book. His precepts were simple. While there were others, these first two have guided my life for the last forty or more years: All is a belief. You can choose your beliefs.

With his help as well as that of others, I have been given a better understanding why things work the way they do, and how to navigate the world in general. I consider myself most fortunate, and I am grateful to him and to all my many wonderful teachers.

May you find helpful teachers for your spiritual path.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Questions, comments, suggestions? Love to hear from you. Make my day; write to me at tshahal@gmail.com. I promise to write back.

Heartwings Love Notes 2043 Gaining Independence

Posted on July 7, 2024 by pujakins

Heartwings says, “Independence is a goal to be sought after.”

My son Robin insisted on his independence almost from the time he was born. Some children are like that. He resisted attempts to keep him confined in any way, and it was challenging to try. As they say, the apple did not fall far from the tree. I fear I was much the same as a child, though maybe not as emphatically. I know that to this day, I have a vital streak of independence.

From the beginning of my memory, I was raised to be strong, to not cry unless hard pressed, not to complain and to be as brave as I could. This may have been because I was the oldest and only child for the first eight years of my life. I well recall holding my father’s hands while jumping in the big waves at the beach where we stayed in my great aunt’s beach cottage. They were big waves, and we would stand in them, jumping up as they broke over us. It was exhilarating.

I wasn’t granted independence to leave the large property where we lived, but I could wander all over it, climbing trees and playing my games of pretend on the long summer days of my childhood. I remember one summer I would pretend I was the goose girl of the fairy tale by that name and let the six or seven geese had raised that year, out of their pen, herding them down to the little wetlands and back. I was always safe on the property, and my parents had confidence in me. No doubt that contributed to my sense of independence.

Sometimes this strong sense works to my advantage, and at other times it does not. It has taken me time to recognize that sometimes I really do need help, whether it is getting out of a car or up from a deep armchair or sofa. I appreciate it enormously when a dinner guest washes our dishes or helps with food preparation. I am learning my limits, something I am often loath to acknowledge and also learning to accept help graciously.

Sometimes it is entertaining to have a new way of doing something. When my daughter suggested I try it, I recently had fun riding the shopping cart at the supermarket. Maybe I’ll do that again, perhaps even next time and avoid getting so tired from shopping. Sometimes independence can mean freedom from discomfort and disability.

Independence can certainly mean many things. In some countries the independence of free speech, let alone freedom of behavior, does not exist. When this is threatened, it is important to take notice. As the saying goes, freedom is not free, it must be maintained. I still try to be independent, even as I also try to remember to ask for help. In addition, I try to remember to be grateful for the independence I still do have.

May you find your way to whatever independence you wish to enjoy,

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS If you have comments or tales to tell, please share them. It is my joy to be in touch with my readers.

Heartwings Love Notes 2031: The Virtue of Small Tasks

Posted on April 7, 2024 by pujakins

Heartwings says, “Where you put your focus is vital to your success.”

My mother used to tell me she enjoyed hanging out the laundry because when she finished doing so, she felt as though she had accomplished something. It gave her a feeling of satisfaction. At the time I was buried in tasks built around mothering my five very active, very creative children and was happy to have an electric dryer to do the work for me.

These days after many years of hanging the laundry out on the various clotheslines or racks in the different places I’ve lived, I again rely on a dryer, though for different reasons. Due to my Parkinson’s’, the time it takes me to accomplish anything has quadrupled, or nearly so, depending on the task.

I can’t do much about this. There is truth in that half humorous Pennsylvania Dutch saying, “The faster I go, the behinder I get.” In other words, when I try to hurry what I am doing, I make foolish errors or mess up in some way that delays me even more. Sometimes I feel like the adolescent with poor proprioception that I once was, who used to drop things, bump into them, or stumble over whatever got in my way. Nowadays there is a word for that condition, back then I was said to be clumsy.

Instead, I try to bring my attention to whatever I am attempting. It helps me when instead of allowing myself to be distracted, I focus on that and that alone. However, what I find to be the most useful are the small, daily chores I once hurried through in order to “get things done.”

I have made peace with tomorrow, recognizing that unless there is a hard and fast deadline, most things can be delayed without problems or harm. In addition, I get training in letting go of the ego satisfaction I used to derive from being efficient. The difficulty with ego satisfaction is that it’s distracting and not necessarily helpful.When I seek satisfaction as a goal, instead of a focus on accomplishing the task, it really does take away from my ability to function efficiently.

In trying to satisfy my ego, I’m not as able to pursue the best way to get something done. It’s easy to miss what works best when you are looking for what feels good to you. I’ve also noticed that these days, for many, faster seems to equate to better. No craftsperson worth her or his salt feels that way. I am reminded of the film The Karate Kid about the martial arts student whose teacher instructed him, “Wax on, wax off” as he worked on a car.

There is also the saying, “Chop wood, carry water,” a Buddhist perspective in reference to every day accomplishments. It’s all really about doing what is there to be done, the best way you can. Small tasks done with loving attention are as worthwhile as great accomplishments, however they are done.

May you find joy in whatever task you are pursuing.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

P.S. Do you have any hints or helps along these lines? I can always use good ones, and I so enjoy hearing from readers. Reach out to me at Tashahal@gmail.com, and sign up for more Love Notes at https://tashasperspective.com/Pujakins.

Heartwings Love Notes 2026: Remember to Respect Yourself

Posted on March 3, 2024 by pujakins

Heartwings says, “Self-respect is as important as respecting others.”

Self-respect is important. While it might be better known now, I wasn’t taught that when I was young. Then, I was taught to stand up when adults entered the room. I was told to listen when spoken to and not to interrupt. I was instructed to write thank you notes when I received a gift and to say” thank you,” or “you’re welcome,”, as opposed to “no problem.” This was what I was told was good manners and a sign of respect for one’s elders. No one thought to teach me to respect myself. Perhaps I was supposed to figure that out. In those days, it might even be have been considered being selfish.

How do you teach self-respect? Do you learn to respect yourself by the virtue of being respected by others. When I was growing up, no one thought much about respecting children. The axiom, “Children are to be seen and not heard” was in full force when I was in my single digits. I was told to respect others, and it never occurred to me or to any adult that perhaps I too deserved respect, or that respect was a two-way street. In those days, I was considered to be “only a child.” I grew up with this, and for many years I had that same attitude.

My mother and her two sisters had it worse. Their father was in the diplomatic service and the guests to their home for formal or even informal occasions often brought candy or other treats as a kind gesture for their host’s children. Their mother thanked the giver politely and whisked the candy away, saying quietly to the little girls, “This is for the guests.” One of my mother’s friends co-opted the hard-earned savings of her three sons to purchase a car. She said, “They get to ride in it, so they can help pay for it. I remember feeling shocked at the time. It seemed unfair. However, when my neighbor spoke of her children’s TV programs as important, I was surprised. That was a new thought, and I remember that it influenced my attitude toward respect for children from then on.

Since then, I have learned more about respect, what it is and what it means. I confess to being a people pleaser. This has hindered the learning process. Parkinson’s, that relentless and demanding condition, is finally teaching me self-respect. I realize I must respect my limits. It is too easy to over-tax myself in an effort to be kind and nice. I have had to deal with real limits to my mobility and to my strength. I try to expand those limits, yet I realize I must often bow to them. Lessons come to us in ways we need to learn. As I grow in my ability to respect my own limits, I also learn to do better at respecting those of others, and for this I am grateful.

May you appreciate your opportunities to learn and grow.

Blessings and Best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Learned any good lessons lately? I so enjoy it when readers share their experiences. Your emails make my day. Write me at tashahal@gmail.com, and check out my website at www.heartwingsandfriends.com for more love notes.

Heartwings Love Notes 2021: Zen Bones to Chew

Posted on January 28, 2024 by pujakins

Heartwings says, “Learning and growing can be life long.”

Throughout my life certain lessons, or learning experiences have been repeated, even after I believed I had already learned them. I had a teacher who called these Zen bones to chew. They are life lessons, opportunities to learn and grow recurring over again on a spiral or development.

What the name refers to is the practice of Zen, a Buddhist way of thinking that suggests total focus on the present moment. Simply put, practitioners of Zen live their lives acting spontaneously, rather than by a schedule, or a routine, or more importantly by previous rules or even experience.

The Zen bone lesson is usually so simple it is easy to miss: a habit, such as reacting in a certain way might be an example. It’s often difficult to notice habitual action, reaction, or even especially thinking. We are so used to it.

The Zen part, the ability to observe that habit as it is lived, is where the opportunity to learn, or the lesson comes in. The idea of chewing is of course the repetition of the lesson until we get it, at least until the next time it is handed to us. When it is a life lesson or learning experience, it is always repeated.

I recently had an encounter with one of mine. My mother was extremely self-conscious. She worried a lot what people would think of her or her behavior. This can have an inhibiting effect. Over time I have struggled with my tendency to follow her example, catching myself in the act, so to speak. I thought I was doing pretty well. But I had an interesting dream that showed me I wasn’t.

The dream came after Stephen was talking about taking a cruise. He was enthusiastically proposing to explore options, maybe find an affordable excursion to celebrate a special occasion. I observed myself thinking of all sorts or reasons not to go. No need to list them, they were all speculative. And, as I finally figured out, an excuse to avoid situations involving exposing myself to discomfort.

In the dream I saw a pair of eyeglasses. They looked old and out of date. Then I was told I had to make a sculpture for a contest, but I was given only a tiny amount of material to use. I saw the previous entry and it was large. I felt daunted. When I woke up, I understood the dream’s meaning. My mother was a sculptor first, before she began painting. This and the eyeglasses set the dream as involving her.

I realized I was feeling inadequate around the idea of a cruise. I worried a little about making my way around a cruise ship, but more, and more importantly, about what people would think. These days, a combination of age and Parkinson’s means I have difficulty standing up straight, and I walk very slowly. I feared being judged by my appearance. Struggling with my inherited self-consciousness, I was being given another opportunity to chew on that same old Zen bone.

May you find opportunities to learn always.

Blessings and Best Regards, Tasha Halpert

Dear Readers, please let me know what you think, I so enjoy hearing from you. You can write to me using reply, if there, or my email at tashahal@gmail.com. Hoping to hear, thanks, Tasha

Self Care Matters

Posted on January 21, 2024 by pujakins

Heartwings Love Notes 2020 Self Care Matters

Heartwings says, “Caring for yourself is as important as caring for others.”

When I was very young, because I was taught by my needs to eat and sleep, I learned a way to care for myself. Then I learned to care for a pet, and even my stuffed toys and dolls by putting them to bed or picking them up. My caring became increasingly focused outward. There were relatives, friends, people who worked for me, and others to whom I, as their relationships to me evolved in my life, brought various degrees of caring. In a lesser way I also learned to care for a home and a garden.

I moved from single to married and became a parent. Eventually I had five children to care for and spent my time caring for them and for their father. The period of being a parent has no real end, but it changes as time goes on and the children became independent. I continued to care for friends and relations, and my satisfaction with my life and what I did grew to become a chief source of my pleasure and happiness. It feels good to do for others, and like many if not most I was taught to do this from the time I was young.

What I have recently realized is that in all the situations I have mentioned, my caring was directed to someone or even something outside myself. I was taught to put others first, take the smallest piece of cake, show others I cared about them by caring for them. However, as a result of my current physical condition, I have had to devote more and more time to caring for myself. I even frequently have to ask for help from others—usually my kind husband, for help with things I can no longer do myself.

I’ve also learned I need to be much more patient with my inabilities. When I was growing up, I was taught to be strong, not to complain, and to be almost fiercely independent. None of these attitudes serves me now. Quite the contrary. If I don’t ask, or even complain, no one will know what I need. When I need help, I must speak up. This means admitting to an inadequacy, something I never used to like doing, and still at times find it difficult to do.

I have learned one way to care for myself is to ask for help when I need it. Another is to do my exercises each morning, try to get out for a walk, eat nutritiously and avoid sugar and rich food. Getting enough sleep is important too. I am learning to be patient with what I cannot accomplish, put up with piles as yet unattended—mine and Stephen’s, and allow more time to get things done. All this and more is a part of caring, with me instead of another as the recipient. Now it is my time to be happy and to feel good caring for myself.

Enjoy your caring as you offer it, but remember to give it to yourself.

Blessings and Best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS Your comments and questions are precious to me. Please chime in.

Heartwings Love Notes 2018 Four Seasons of Beaut

Posted on January 7, 2024 by pujakins

Heartwings says, “Take the time to look around you, especially when you are in nature.”

From the age of seven or eight onward, I often accompanied my father, a horticulturist as well as an arborist, when he visited clients. To this day my eye is drawn to the needs of trees as I pass them or visit with their owners. I have a great regard for the beauty of trees in every season.

Trees have always been special to me. I spent many days climbing and perched in them, reading or drawing. One of my greatest delights as a child was to sit in the big Beech tree toward the middle of my great aunt’s estate where I grew up, to read. I was a voracious reader and devoured books, especially tales of adventure. One of my very favorites was The Swiss Family Robinson, about a shipwrecked family that built and lived in a tree house.

I was fortunate in growing up surrounded by nature. The property where we lived was first developed by my great grandfather, an amateur horticulturist with a great interest in flowers and trees. In his large garden he grew a variety of vegetables, in other, smaller ones, flowers.

My father and mother gardened as well. My practical mother grew vegetables, my romantic father grew roses and many other kinds of flowering bulbs and annuals. My love of nature grew as I did. I wrote poetry about it at an early age. Sometimes I created little booklets for my mother. Happily for me, she saved them and gave them back some thirty years later.

Because I was an only child until I was eight and a half, and we had no close neighbors with children near my age, I spent much of my time alone. I didn’t really mind this; I made my own fun by playing out imaginary scenarios based on my reading. The property we lived on was large, and I could wander it safely. Now, some eighty years later, though still in the same state, I live far from where I grew up. Yet the nature of my childhood still takes my eye and inspires me.

Driving the roads where I live, I am delighted in every season by the trees and the gardens I pass. The loveliness of the spring, summer and fall in New England is equaled by the graceful bare branches of trees in winter, stretched across the sky.

Beauty is where we find it, and if we are of a mind to seek it, it is everywhere. The wildflowers in their season that spring up by the side of the road are wonderful to see, as are the bright dandelions that grow in various cracks and crevices as well as on lawns where they are allowed. Drops of dew or raindrops that linger in spiderwebs or stretches of weed patches catch the light and glisten where that marvelous artist, nature, puts them. When I take the time to look, in every season there is always something to be seen, and I am ever grateful.

May you find beauty each day, and be grateful for what you find.

Blessings and best regards, Tasha Halpert

PS If you have stories or experiences to share, or comments or questions for me, I’d be so happy to read them. It is a joy to hear from readers. Thank you for reading and know that I appreciate you.